You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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