So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
