I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
