And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
