Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
