I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found your dick twin last night
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
