And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
