RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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