i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
