i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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