You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
