So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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