You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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