Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
