I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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