I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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