I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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