I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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