Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
