Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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