I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She bit a glass in half.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
