Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
