Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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