there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
