Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
