She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
