just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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