Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
