So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
