We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
