fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
