party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
