Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
