i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
