hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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