She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
