I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
