what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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