Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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