we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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