Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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