Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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