i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
