What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
