I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
