I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
