i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
