Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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