I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
