I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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