Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
