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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
