the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
